5 things my husband needs
My husband and I have been married for over 12 years. It’s been amazing. Challenging in a lot of ways, but honestly the most wonderful experience I have had in my adult life. Just great. This doesn’t mean that there hasn’t or won’t be any moments that have left us completely raw in our emotions. However, I am grateful that we do get to go down this path with each other. Throughout our years together, I have learned that my husband’s needs are plentiful. I cannot (and should not) be expected to fulfill all of his needs. My husband’s source of fulfillment comes from God and God alone. So, I guess that’s the first point that I would like to make. Our most important “job” as wives is to be a consistent arrow pointing our husbands back to Christ.
Besides that, God has instructed me in other ways (through experience) on how I can tend to my husband’s needs. Each person’s needs are different because each of us are different. There may be some common needs that all men share and we will get to those in another post. This post is simply me sharing a few things I have learned over the years about what my husband needs.
One of the things I have learned that My husband needs is respect. I think this is something most women find that their husbands need. The Bible clearly outlines this in Ephesians. “However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.” (Ephesians 5:33) This proved to be very important in our marriage. One of the first things I had to figure out was what were the things that my husband viewed as disrespectful. Once I got that I was able to assess how I would be able to make sure I was being as respectful as I could with him. It isn’t always easy. I have some old ways that haven’t completely died out and I have some marital baggage. What is marital baggage? That’s what I like to call all of my preconceived notions and thoughts about what marriage should be and look like.
Something else I have found that my husband needs are reminders. What do I mean with that? I’m not just speaking about reminding him of things he needs to do or things he has forgotten at the grocery store. Though we can be helpful in reminding our husbands of those things. I am speaking of reminding him that he is an image bearer of Christ. I’m speaking of reminding him that he is an excellent provider, that he leads this household with integrity, that he is an excellent example and father to our children. These reminders are needed because the enemy is always on the prowl to take out the head of the household. So, I love to remind my husband of who he is in Christ and how I view him in our marriage.
The third thing my husband needs is a soft landing. Most men (husbands) work outside of the home. They take on so many things. The world attacks men just like it attacks women. They are being pulled in so many different directions. When they come home, they should be able to have as much peace as can be offered. My husband needs to know that when he comes home, his frustrations are safe there. Often times, men don’t always feel as though they can share their emotions or how some things from work effected them. I must be willing to lend a listening ear and have a tender heart when it comes to the challenges that he faces. Trust in a marriage goes both ways and my husband should know that he can trust me with his emotions. That I won’t dump on him as the world chooses to do or go spreading his insecurities around to other people. Proverbs 31:11-12 says, “Her husband can trust her, and she will greatly enrich his life. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.”
The fourth thing my husband needs is to laugh. Laughter is quite the medicine we all need, but especially my husband. I feel like though I do have a hard job of watching and teaching our children, I also have the advantage of getting a few minutes alone to watch a funny video or chat with my friends. I can get my laugh in for the day. Not every day, but most days. It’s so good not to take everything so seriously. I think men are often raised to be serious in most areas of their lives because they have so much weight on their shoulders as leaders within the home. Laughter breaks up the monotony of their every day life.
The last thing that I have found my husband needs is rest. He works a lot. I’m willing to bet your husbands work a lot as well. They need rest. Our bodies go through a tremendous amount of stress throughout the week. It’s important for us to take time away from work (when we can), and take time to get back to self-care. My husband needs to know that self-care isn’t just something geared towards ladies. He should be practicing it as well. This list of things are the things that God has revealed to me over time with my husband. I urge you to sit down and think back to what you have learned about your husband and his needs.
~Pam
