5 things my wife needs

Ok guys!  It has been just under 2 years shy of 20 years my wife has been in my life in some form or fashion!  We started dating way back in 2002.  I was a senior in high school and she was just a junior.  Man…We were so young.  When God confirmed that Pamela was to be my wife,(another story for another day)  she was 21 years old and I was 22 years old.  Over time love languages actually shift and change.  However, there are some constants that always remain the same.  Pamela has a companion post about things she has realized that I need as her husband.  Well equally these are the 5 things I know without a doubt she needs as my bride.

First thing without question that my wife needs is security. Of course not me being her bodyguard, although I am but this is not the security I am speaking of. Most think of security financially, and this is correct. As a husband, I need to be able to provide for her and our family financially. This also means trusting and being able to hear from God concerning our finances. So I need to work, and make sure I don’t allow laziness to creep in and stop her from feeling and knowing she is secured financially. She also needs security in knowing I can go before my Father God to get a word from Him about a situation or issue we have. She must feel secure in my decision making abilities and that my heart will always be for whatever will be best for our family. Speaking of family, she must feel security in her’s and our children’s natural place in my heart and in my ministry. Pamela loves to remind me that my very first and most important ministry is to her and our children. She is correct. Security is a must for my wife, if this area starts to weaken it will spell out problems for our relationship.

The next thing my wife needs is confidence. By this I mean confidence in her ability to be enough. Pamela needs to know I’m not only content with what she brings to our marriage, but I’m happy with who she is and that she chose to spend her life with me. Not all people have the best motives, and Satan knows what you like. My wife needs to know that if we are ever at odds with each other, that the first pretty little thing that pays me a compliment is not going to take her place. I must help do everything I can so she remains confident in herself, and knows without doubt that she absolutely still does “It” for me, and she always will. Not to say my wife is not already confident in who God made her or her place and role in my life, but if Satan ever tries to tell her a lie about that, I have to come through and put those lies to bed. Side note my wife is at her sexiest when she is confident and knows when she walks in the room and gives me that look, my heart flutters! She is God’s gift to me. She has to be confident in herself and how I see her to be comfortable in our marriage.

The third thing she needs is a common thing, but it is very important none the less. That of course is trust. It goes without saying any relationship cannot make it or be successful without trust. Going back to confidence, she can’t do that, without trust. Trust is very foundational to our relationship. Pamela needs to be able to know that I have earned her trust. I will not abuse it, take advantage of it and most importantly break her trust. She also needs to know that she is represented well at all times, even when she is not around. She should know that I’m making good decisions for our family. She has to trust that I’m modeling God at all times. The decisions I make are never to harm her, but always for our betterment and to set us up for optimal success. Another important component to trust is the example it sets for our children. If I, as my children’s father, exemplify how important is it to build trust then I empower my children to be trustworthy. I’m showing my daughter how a trustworthy man should be. I’m showing my son how to be trustworthy and that too is important to my wife. She also not only needs to trust in me but, trust that I hear from God as well and that I will not mistreat His daughter, because before Pamela was my wife, she was first His daughter. He gifted her to me as a wonderful gift. It is my job and privilege to honor her and continue to build up her trust in me.

The fourth thing my wife needs is a clear understanding of her identity. The bible clearly states that we are fearfully and wonderfully made. Identity is near and dear to me, because if you don’t know who you are for sure, Satan can easily come in and offer his opinion of who you are. However if we are unshakeable and unmovable in who we truly are then Satan can’t grab a hold of us. If we struggle with our calling, our purpose, and general uncertainty with life, I’m pretty positive it goes back to knowing who you are and what is your identity. My job as a husband is to shepherd my wife and always point her back to the one who made and designed her. I have to remind my wife of who she is and whose she is, when Satan paints a fictional adaptation of her. Pamela is a daughter of the most high God. She is made in His image. Satan will sometimes feed us lies through our own insecurities and lack of confidence in ourselves. I want you to take note of how security and confidence keeps coming back up…Satan will give you his version of you and then we will speak it out and say negative things like, “I’m not pretty, no one could ever love me, I’ll never be enough”, and crazy stuff like that. We have to realize that God made us! How dare we talk bad about ourselves, God’s creations like that. My wife is God’s creation and He is pleased with His creation! He made her the way He made her on purpose and He delights in her. That’s her identity and that’s the truth and she must be made aware of this regularly.

The fifth thing I will state my wife needs is rest. Sabbath. My wife can’t just go and go. She needs to recharge. She can’t pour out and pour out. She needs to be poured into. With her being a stay at home/homeschooling mother she puts her all into it. She has play dates scheduled with the kids and she constantly has fun and educational activities for the kids. Plus she supports everything I do and she ministers to people as well. She is absolutely amazing, but in order for her to continue to do what she does in excellence, she must get rest. She has to know at times it is ok for her to be selfish. She needs to put herself first sometimes instead of taking care of everyone else first. She needs to understand that if she needs a break she must take it because our family is better when she is in a good place. I need to make frequent vacations a priority for her and the family. It’s important that she gets away with the family, and sometimes with just me…and sometimes by herself. Its ok for her to get a nice room in the city by herself to relax or have dinner by herself. Not having to always serve everyone first and then answer ‘fiftyleven’ questions that our kids ask her before she tries to take her first bite. She needs to get away and spend some quiet time alone with God so He can speak into her life. My wife will break without rest and sometimes I need to make her do it.

Well that’s it!  Now of course there are other things that I could have named, but foundationally those five are pretty spot on and anything else would possibly fit into those categories.  I’m so thankful for my wife and again it is a honor to meet her needs and to pray over her and be a covering for her.  If there are ever times where she seems to not be herself, I have likely missed it in one of those areas and will need prayer for God’s guidance to correct it. Lucky for me God is very consistent in helping me with this!

-Darron